If You Need Me I’ll Be In My Trailer: Choices Within Our Roles

“Remember that thou art an actor in a play, of such a kind as the teacher (author) may choose; if short, of a short one; if long, of a long one: if he wishes you to act the part of a poor man, see that you act the part naturally; if the part of a lame man, of a magistrate, of a private person, (do the same). For this is your duty, to act well the part that is given to you; but to select the part, belongs to another.” (Epictetus, 2004, p.7)

There are many Stoic quotes and insights that both inspire me and make me stroke my beard and go hmmm… I see… But Epictetus’s insight about how we are all actors in a play and we all have our own roles to act out really struck a chord with me when I first read it. This one stood out because in my career I’ve periodically heard people speak about wearing “multiple” hats, or being double hatted, or triple hatted. The context of this being that they have many different jobs to do seemingly simultaneously. Jobs, or roles that they have to do, and really have no say in the matter. Jobs within jobs, tasks within tasks, jobs within tasks, tasks within jobs, and roles within roles (whew!) Over the years of my career, I’ve experienced the same thing and understand the multitroles that we all have to play.

Some roles we seek out, and other roles are literally thrown at us, like a dirty costume off the rack, and told “to put this on” as we’re being pushed out onto the stage.
Much like most Prokoptons, I’m sure, my sought-out role of Stoic Philosopher is pretty typical. I grew up in a small town, dabbled in different religions here and there, wasn’t a fan of those performances and eventually found my way to Stoicism. Much like the Avengers series of movies, I keep wanting to see more. I took graphic design in college, in Kingston, Ontario Canada. It was a really good course to which I learned a lot about, well, graphic design obviously, but also fine art and photography. I remember on one occasion when two friends and I were in the back of a cab heading somewhere, the driver asked what we were studying, my friends said engineering, and I said graphic design. The driver said “Oh alright! At least the two of you will have jobs in your field when you graduate.”

Well, that cab driver was right. I worked a few jobs here and there not in my field of study. So, at the tender young age of 30, I applied for and got hired into the Canadian Army. Into the infantry of all things. Yes, the infantry was my first choice. I know that anyone reading this, that is or was in the military is probably saying “Really? The Infantry? Why?” They also probably know that there are many roles to play in the military, some we volunteer for and some we are volunteered for. Some personal examples are: bedmaker, boot polisher, weapon cleaner, janitor, pack mule, rifleman, machine gunner, ammo runner, class clown, comms guy, (they carry those million-pound radios on their backs because compact technology is lost on the army. Refer back to the pack mule role) mortarman, anti-tank gunner (those are really fun!) light armoured vehicle driver, light armoured vehicle gunner. There are many more roles I could list, but then I would fill up my minimum four to five page allotment on this essay with just that. So, moving on.

Eventually I decided that I had enough of playing the infantry role, as fun as it was and as great as the people were, it was time for me to act on a new stage in front of a different audience, that is if the cosmos would allow me to. So, I set my sights on a new acting gig, a new performance still within the military. I wanted to play the role of army photographer. Not only did I want to act, but I wanted to do it with a camera! Thankfully the cosmos agreed. Yes, you should do that, after all, you have a diploma in graphic design… Cha-ching!! Take that cab driver from eleven years ago! Sorry, that’s very un-stoic of me, but to be fair at this point in my journey I was still a few years away from discovering Stoicism.

More roles opened up after becoming an army photographer or an Imagery Technician as is our official title. To list some roles – Photographer, videographer, graphic designer (yes!). I’ve even flown Open Skies missions over various countries, talk about a different type of photography. What’s Open Skies? Just google open skies treaty. Ok, so what’s the point of this page and a half resume? And what’s the ethical part of all of this? You’ve done a bunch of stuff but so what? I promise I’m working up to it, it’s like speeding down the runway before wheels up.

Can We Choose Our Roles?

When we enter a job or a career most of us would have applied for that position and have gone through a hiring or screening process. It was our assent that that job or career is a preferred indifferent, which generates desire and then an impulse to act on applying for that role. So we can choose to pursue an acting gig, however according to Epictetus, whether or not we actually get to act on that stage is up to providence. Much like the Stoic analogy of firing an arrow at a target, once that arrow leaves our fingertips, whether or not that arrow makes a bullseye, or even hits the target at all, isn’t within our control. If we refer back to a portion of Epictetus’s quote:

“For this is your duty, to act well the part that is given to you; but to select the part, belongs to another.” (2004, p.7)

So, pursuing the role of an infantry soldier, and then an Imagery Technician was up to me, but selection for those roles were not up to me. The cosmos viewed my auditions and said Yes! You’re hired! Fill your boots! Good luck with the infantry, your knees will hate you! But also too, all of the side roles were also not up to me either. Within the role of infantry soldier, it wasn’t up to me to be a janitor, it wasn’t up to me to drive armoured vehicles, and it wasn’t up to me to act out all of the other roles that came along under the role of infantry soldier. Except for class clown, that was a total pursuit.

Within the role of Image Tech there are many genres of photography that we have to specialize in (notice how I said, “have to”?): portrait photographer, sports photographer, investigation photographer, macro photographer, group portrait photographer, photojournalist, night photography, photography from a fast moving helicopter, photography hanging off the side of something. All genres that I need to know to do my duty, and where or when I take centre stage to perform these roles are certainly not up to me.

We all know the cart of destiny analogy: Along a road a dog is tied to a cart against its will. The cart is rolling along the road and the dog has two choices, it can cry and yelp, try to pull against the cart, or be dragged by the cart. The other option is that the dog can happily trot alongside the cart, take in the scenery, and love life. Either way, the dog is going along with the cart. As practicing Stoics it’s not the “what” that is up to us, but the “how”. How do I want to play this role? What are my value judgments? Do I want to complain about the fact that I need to hang off the side of something to take a photo? Or do I want to love it? The choice is ours.

Military Ranks

“If you have been placed in a position above others, are you automatically going to behave like a despot? Remember who you are and whom you govern.” (Epictetus, 2008, p. 59)

After a few years working as an Imagery Technician, I was posted to an Air Force Wing. In the same building where I worked was the Imagery Technician School where they train all of the Canadian Military photographers and videographers and where I went to school. One day after a year and a half at the Air Force Wing, I came into work after a week of being on leave. As soon as I got through the door, my Master Corporal told me that there was a promotion happening in 30 minutes and to get my camera ready to cover the event. So, I did. I showed up to the promotion event, my name was called out and my Master Corporal took my camera and photographed my promotion. I went up a rank, and then I was told that I was heading down the hall to the school to teach.

Well, anxiety levels were very high when I reported to the school that day, which already had a course going on so there was very little time to prepare for the class I was going to teach, which was technical engineering photography. I hadn’t touched that type of photography since I was a student at the school many years before. So yeah, anxiety levels were off the charts. Was this teaching role up to me? No, it wasn’t. If anything, I was a bit blindsided by it, however in hindsight (or course) it was one of the best things that could have happened, the few years at the school that followed taught me valuable lessons.

Thrust into a new role that was way, way… way outside of my comfort zone produced many crossroads. One valuable lesson and a road I gladly travel down was the value that each student brought to the table in teaching me things outside of the realm of a military photography school. It became second nature to me that I was just as much a student as they were.

I especially learned about second guessing my impressions about events, considering it was in this area of my life that I began practicing Stoicism. What events you might ask? Things that are conducive when one is an instructor, things like disciplinary issues, students not understanding the material, things like that. Before issues like that would generally piss me off because it was my value judgments that people should act a certain way, the way I thought they should act. As we all know, this is not the case, and it is not they who need to change, it’s my value judgments about those things. Hey if it works for a Roman Emperor, I’m pretty certain it would work for me as well.

Shit happens, we all know this. For example, when you’ve explained to a student how to take a particular type of photograph with a specific technique that is only conducive to that type of photography, and despite showing them many times how to do it, yet they still cannot get it, what is one to do? Take it personally? Start questioning my abilities as an instructor? Never mind that the rest of the class gets it. Do I tear a strip off them and yell? I could, sure. But there’s no value in that. There is value however in figuring out an alternative way of showing the techniques. Everyone learns and processes information differently, right?

Patience and listening to those under you. A common complaint at the school was that the students were stuck in a creative box, meaning there’s no room for creativity. This is a complaint I heard even when I was a student at the school, and that impression that the student expressed continued when I was instructing, that there’s no creative freedom in military photography. My reply to that was, well what about language? I would get confused looks. You can understand what I am saying right now, right? Confused heads bob up and down in agreement that they can understand me. We learn the hard rules of grammar, and vocabulary, yet when we do, we can express ourselves verbally on an infinite level can we not?

So, are you confined by the rules of language or completely free? Because without these hard and fast language rules, no one would be able to understand you. The complaints would cease after that explanation. An alternative explanation here was offered instead of telling them, you’re doing it this way because I said so, and that’s an order. The tyranny of a statement like that doesn’t offer someone the opportunity for personal growth, nor does it offer an inspiration to continue a career with us. These privates and corporals are the future of our trade, right? As a side bar, there is infinite creative expression in military photography, after you learn the hard and fast rules first of course.

At each step throughout our day we have the opportunity to express Stoic virtue to the external world, wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. A position of higher rank doesn’t give someone a get out of jail card to instead express foolishness, injustice, cowardice, and intemperance. If anything, a person in a higher position might recognize that they can focus on the four virtues even more so. I think doing so would teach others this as well.

This is the key lesson that I learned while teaching at the school and practicing Stoicism (thank you SES course). With higher rank comes more responsibility to those under you, more so than those above you. If anything, it’s an obligation. Every person that you interact with is an opportunity to not only develop your character, but to show others that they can too. To use an old cliche, to pass the flame forward, because without people there’s no military, without people there’s really nothing.

“[44] So it is in life: take a governorship. ‘I take it and, when I take it, I show how a real philosopher acts.’ [45] Take off your senator’s robe and put on beggar’s rags – and let’s have a look at you then. ‘Well, so what? I still have the gift of a fine voice to show off.’ [46] What role do you appear in now? As a witness called by God. [47] ‘Step forward, you, and bear witness for me; you earned the right to represent me as a witness. Is anything good or bad that is independent of your will? Do I do any man harm? Have I put each man’s advantage under the control of anyone except himself?’ What witness do you bear God?” (Epictetus, 2008, p. 98)

When it’s all said and done there comes a time when we have to exit the stage regardless of rank or prestige, perhaps to take on a new role, or to leave the acting biz altogether. Stoicism has also taught me to leave the stage gracefully and have someone else have their show. I am not a sage, and I am far from perfect, however in the times that I do catch myself and I’m able to express Stoic virtue onto someone else, I would like to think that hopefully some of that rubs off onto the next actor and they too act with virtue, whether they realize it or not.